A Mother's Drive to Save Her Child From Bling and Me-Ism

What follows below is from a colleague who lives and works in Providence.  Jonny's gift is working with adolescents.  She did not expect to have to work hard to alter a self-destructive path that her son was on.  But she succeeded.  Please read below for a heartfelt account.  Jonny is many mothers and fathers are heroes in my eyes.  They understand that broad change happens when individuals as well as institutions work together.  Thank you for reading, Eric Cooper:

 

1) My 15 year old son is in Gambia this year going to high school.  In the first few weeks of being there, he got malaria.  It was very difficult to manage such an illness from so far away.  He is well now, thankfully.  Sending him was our best solution for his 9th grade demise - the classic school disengagement and hoodlum-identifying that I have been working my whole career to bust for others - right in my heart and home...it was a crazy ride.  Now, he is living with my mother-in-law and family in a compound with few amenities - in a culture where character is your most precious resource and education is valued.  For his 15 year old self...he is learning that being smart makes the girls like you...where the message he was getting here was driving the pile of getting over, blinging, pimping, hoeing and bunking to smoke blunts....I know we could talk at length about this.  I plan to go out in January.

 

I have been working on a variety of interesting projects since leaving the Providence School Department.  I thought you might be interested in the current campaign I am working on for the RI Dept of Ed - High Expectations for Each.  It is a public will effort.  Below I am attaching poster concepts for your interest.  We are also producing a video, postcards and banners that will kick off a statewide leadership conference and later the video will run as a PSA. 

 

When you have time, I'd love to talk. 

 

2)

Eric,

Feel free to share my abridged quip about Solomon.  I can write more about it as well.  We are lucky to have this imbedded family way out.  At one point when Solomon ended up in the hospital following 'you don't understand how hard it is to get through hour to hour...I'd rather be in heaven"...the docs there got really excited about a therapeutic residential program in PA that my insurance happened to cover (which based on their enthusiasm is unusual).  They hadn't seen the place, but were impressed by the shiney materials with happy faces the place was peddling.  I drove out by myself to check it out...I like the word 'therapeutic'...beautiful manicured grounds, lush facilities, bright sunny Friday--over 400 young people on this campus...over the course of 4 hours, I didn't see one young person benefiting from the disney-esque exterior.  The residence hall I visited, appropriately named the 'Dr. Martin Luther King' house - sick, filthy, old yellow scratched plexiglass windows that can't open, doors that alarm when you leave, locked bathrooms, an encassed hub that the adults stayed behind, rooms in disarray, young people agitated and heavy...when I sat with the therapist I asked about the treatment approach, he said he was a 'reality' therapist -  at this point I was shaking.  He went on to say how much he would enjoy having an active parent involved since most of the young people there were state tosses and even their case workers don't check in.  It was basically commercial incarceration with a big marketing department.  MLK would spit.

 

I drove home in a rage and in tears...fighting to keep focus on the road.  At each ebb and pit, I kept coming back to Gambia.  He'll won't be alone, he'll be free and safe, the value system will flip 180 what he is internallizing (character, education and Allah), the food is organic, the air clean, the sun is warm, music and dance permeate each day, and he will be loved by scores of people.  This is therapeutic.

 

It was Solomon's idea and his choice to go.  He said 'Ma, I have to get out of here.  Once you have back, you can't get out of it'

 

Ultimately, this system didn't have any solution for him.  Pharmeceuticals, pre-incarceration, incarceration.  The boy to man city cyphon is strong.  These boys need to connect with something.  It's not school.  I raised my child to have a will.  What was in the vista to create hope?  Interpersonal violence is ripe - who's got back, teachers who discourage engagement.  They are not sold how to get there...just the arrival defined by things (bling and bitches).  uuuuggghhhh.

 

I can't change who Solomon is.  He is wise and sensitive.  Overstimulated and disconnected described his coming of age...and he joined the other young boys who felt the same way....so young to internalize 'fuck it'.   

 

Some evidence of his experience - he prays every day, he washes his own drawers (no machines), he fasted 9 days during Ramadan (first time for him...clearly demonstrating to himself that he can control his impluses), he is learning Wolof, mastering school (there you test into your level...even though he failed 9th grade, he is taking 10th grade coursework)...and he is imagining the business he wants to start, to bring money to the compound and build a future for himself.  Vision, commitment, hard work...in a few months.  He is happy and relaxed and not asking to come home.

 

Of course life is rich and there will be hard lessons to come...but as hard as it is to be away from him, I feel like I am loving him the best way I have for a long time.
 

Jonny

I hope you and your family are well.

Best,

Jonny

 

 

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